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If You Could See Me Now....

I wish you could see me, in this moment right now, so damn grateful for the beautiful life that I never thought I would be living. If you could see me now, I know you would be proud of me, using my words to help others, remembering to smile, laugh and play, to enjoy each moment to the fullest. 

Looking back over nearly forty years, I can see clearly defined moments where different people had a life changing impact on my path. You, you were the best and the brightest star on my journey to now. I have many people to thank and I have done so, I wish I could thank you. I would take you out to breakfast, we would have coffee and fresh baked bagels smothered in lox and cream cheese and I would tell you about the man who loves me and loves my children, who fights for me believes in me and supports my dreams. You would love him, he's just like you. He's funny and silly, he's kind and strong and he is all that you showed me a man should be, I am sorry it took me so long to realize that I deserved that. 

Maybe it's better that you didn't see all the mistakes, they would have hurt your heart I know, but they didn't break me and I learned and grew from them to become who I am today. I miss you, in those quiet little spots, the longing just reaches up and grabs me and all I want to do hold your hand and tell you how much your love changed my world. You showed me that love is not bound by any limitations, it can grow from anywhere and it is truly the most powerful force on earth. You chose to love this crazy, impertinent, sad and lonely little girl and made her feel that she was worth being loved, that she had the potential inside to be whoever she wanted to. You believed in me and gave me a superpower that I had no idea how powerful it would grow to be. 

I wonder what you were thinking during those times, as an adult looking back now I can see how awful the situation was for you and I am beyond grateful for every single minute that you stayed in my life. I wonder if you knew how much of an impact your words and your time would have on my life? I have to think that you hoped, somehow, that they would stick with me and help. I am here today because you filled my heart with love. I choose love every single day because you chose me. You may not be here to see what you started but your legacy lives on and I will carry that forward for as long as I live. I miss you and I love you, always.

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