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Unsettled

My routine got thrown off, I fucking hate it. I'm angry at all the barriers that keep popping up, the interfering little demons attempting to thwart me on my quest for happiness. Everytime I squash one of the little bastards another one pops up with an evil grin that makes me want to scream and choke the life out of it. Violent? Yup, that's how I feel right now, obsence amounts of angry towards anything that wants to get in my way. 

 Who the fuck is sending them? The angry gods of anti-joy and goodness? What the everloving hell did I do to you? 

 I've got attacks coming from all angles, trying to keep a vigilant watch but it's wearing me down. Seriously, I will find a way to vanquish the sadistic little minions back to whatever hell hole they crawled out of. 

 Why do people think it's ok to fuck with my life? I don't try to control yours, what makes you think you have any right to muck around in mine, I didn't invite your meddling, that's for damn sure. I'm tolerant as fuck of just about everyone, but leave my shit alone, it's mine not yours so don't touch!

 I've got so much turmoil swirling through my head I feel like I stepped back on the crazy train for a minute and that's scary as hell; can't, won't go back there, ever! 

 In the midst of that shitstorm, I look up and holy fuck, there you are. First I think it's a mirage and I laugh if off, ok cool haha whatever. Wait...What? Damn....Oh, I was not prepared for you to come back and stir up all the feelings I thought were gone.  You don't even know the half of it!! That treacherous woman inside me went all fucking gooey at the sight of you and I wanted to slap her silly. Doesn't she remember what happens? 

 I'm like a magnet, can't stay away even though I tried my damndest. You make me belive I can have what I want, after I convinvced myself I could live without. Damn you for making me feel this again! You unsettle me, I love how alive and real I feel with you and it scares me senseless. 

 I want to tell you to go back, forget it all and I will go back to my safe spot, I can't though, you reel me in like a fish on hook and I can barely bother to struggle. Shit, this is scary. Guess I will do what I always do, dive in and either sink or swim, I don't know how to gracefully wade in and test the water. Nope, I'm messy and wild and raw and honestly, I like me, who I am. Take me or leave me, I'm going to grit my teeth stand my ground, I'll still be here either way. So there, how about them apples?

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