Don't Piss Off The Faerie

I have discovered I am not good with casual, in fact I suck at it. I can handle surface level interactions for short periods and usually only if they are functioning in a white noise capacity. If an individual or activity is not directly related to furthering my goals I am  quickly irritated by its presence in my space and resentful of it stealing my time. People waste so many precious moments on empty distractions that bring no lasting stimulus, designed to leave you dissatisfied and ultimately wanting more, but exactly what more might be, you have no clue. Rinse and repeat, like a crazed hamster on that damn wheel, only most of them don't even know it. I am not interested in pursuing those meaningless tangents swirling all around me. I want depth, knowledge and growth, none of which can be obtained without dedication to the pursuit, no matter the obstacles, the agony of effort, blood tears and sweat. I am not ordinary and I refuse to think or act in any way that conforms ...

I've learned that I am loved, even when it feels as if everything is falling apart and the world is seriously trying to fuck with me; I am loved and that knowledge grounds me. I'm going to screw up, I will trust the wrong people sometimes and occasionally take a left when it should have been right and I might even cry because fucking up hurts, but I won't have to do it alone. It's not just me anymore, walking along carrying my load of self inflicted responsibility with no one to catch me, I have people with names and faces with smiles when they see me, hands to hold as they walk beside me. I am not alone, I have family. For the first time in my life I actually know what that means and I trust and accept it into my life.

I will always come back;  I will always dive deep, sometimes I am cut short, I find that the depth wasn't there and yes, it hurts but I always regain the shore. A little weathered, a new scar, maybe an extra ache when the wind blows the right way yet I will stand on the shore and dance. I refuse to allow anything to cut short my experience in this life, I know no other way to be than wild and free. I laugh as hard as I cry and love as much as I can. I will be me no matter the storms that roll through, I am strong and I am still here.