So many decisions to make, directions to go, a million thoughts swirling about this mess in my head. Always searching for the right move, swaying and twisting on this balancing act that is my life. Wondering if I have learned enough to finally grasp the dream I've been chasing. Doubt is knocking, no pounding on my door and she's a mean and vengeful bitch. I'm afraid, that pain is like no other and scars run deep, layered upon my soul. Gotta be strong, it's not just me to bear the consequences. The knowledge sitting on me with the strength borne of experience and I struggle not to cave under it's weight. Each day I have to remind myself that last night didn't kill me and I'm stronger for it. I have fought and lived and I will fight and live another day. Learning to embrace the joy that comes in each moment, bar the door against the fear that sneaks around corners all covered in gloom and breathing despair. Hell no, you are not catching me, I know what you are and I will not cower in your shadow.
I forgot who I was for a hot minute, I looked away from my truth for a second, lost my light and fell right off the track and into the land of No-No. Wow! You would think that I would have remembered what happens when I deviate from my inner path, man, bad stuff always follows, clearly I did not listen and I fell off track but I'm back baby!! HAH! Take that universe!! I found myself again in the midst of the pain, fear and chaos and I looked inside. I quit looking all around me, turned back inwards in desperation, completely at a loss to understand why I was feeling so wretched and torn up and BAM! I found reality again. It always comes back to self, every single time I fall apart the reason is, without fail, a disconnect from self. It's all on me, it's my job to make sure I am connected to my center, that I am plugged into my core, listening with all my senses and staying true to who I am. Now, that's not to say that some external forces aren't trying t...
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