There's a really big part of me that feels like I don't deserve to be happy, I've fucked up a lot. Look behind me and it's like a scene from some horrible apocalyptic movie with every mistake I've made littering the twisted road of my life. I am not where I used to be, by any means, I've struggled hard to progress past some serious obstacles and I genuinely am proud of myself and what I have accomplished. Still, there's a lot of scar tissue built up around some of my wounds and my life is messy, I walk a fine line sometimes between chaos and sanity. And maybe deserve isn't the most accurate word, because I think we all deserve to be be loved no matter what, perhaps a better way to explain might be that I accept the consequences of my actions and the resulting fall out from my poor choices. I don't take responsibility for what others have done to me, that's not the case at all, I've managed to screw up plenty of times all on my own, I claim ...